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“Now, you, scared man with glasses, we flip him over. Now, right now. He scream. We flip anyway.” ~Shady Doctor

It’s a Christmas miracle! Jake is alive! Thank you baby Jesus. From the looks of the previous episode, Jake was deader than a doornail. Thank God Huck decided that Jake was “warm enough” then proceeded to jackhammer his fist down on Jake’s chest, jumpstarting his heart. I was going to be highly disappointed if Jake died. I would have been pissed at Shonda. She already took McDreamy, but Jake too? That would have been all out cruelty. So, I’m happy she let him breathe. And I’m happy I don’t have to be mad at her. She’s my favorite writer after all, so I don’t know how that would have worked. It wouldn’t. She’s a god. I bow down. Okay, let me stop drooling over her. It’s getting a little creepy.

The first few minutes of the episode gave me LIFE when Quinn walked into the conference room of OPA and found Jake spread eagle on the table bleeding like a hog at the butcher shop. On reflex, she whipped out that gun in slow motion badassery. I was like, “Quinn, you betta do it bitch!” She was ready to SET. IT. OFF! It’s amazing to see her transformation from a jittery little puppy to a badass assassin. Talk about a character arc! Huck took her under his wing and created a monster.

Olivia and the rest of the gang rush to OPA to find Jake hanging on by a thread. Charlie calls in some shady doctor to work a miracle, only the miracle can’t be paid for with money. Shady Doctor wants Olivia to rescue his friend, a former Russian assassin (Assassin Granny as I call her), from being pulled back into the spy game by some KGB dude after many years of civilian life as a wife, mother and grandmother. Olivia wants no parts of helping an assassin, but Shady Doctor threatens to bounce, leaving Jake to die. Olivia agrees, then goes on a warpath to find Daddy Pope and kill him for what he did to Jake. Livy girl, you already tried that several times and look how that turned out. You will never get the upper hand on your daddy and you know it. He told you pointblank, “What have I always told you, Olivia? Against me, you will never win.” So, you may as well sit down somewhere, girl.

So, Shady Doctor manages to piece Jake back together. Later, when he gains consciousness, he finds a breathing tube in his throat, his arms strapped to the bed rail, and Russell, the man who gutted him like a pig lying on the slab next to him. Ooooh shit! How did Russell get there you say? Daddy Pope. FLASHBACK: Russell shows up to Daddy Pope’s house with the nerve to tell him that he failed to locate Olivia and crew. He politely puts down his drink, pulls out his pistol, and shoots Russell in the arm. He hands him a handkerchief, then goes back to sipping on his brown liquor. That Daddy Pope is a cold piece. But, I love it!

This is a Man’s World

“Sir, don’t you think a man would be better? I know. I hate myself for saying that. I threw up in my mouth a little bit for saying that.” ~Abby

Over at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mellie finds herself down in the dumps about America’s lack of support for her run for Senate. Hence, the title of the episode, First Lady Sings the Blues. Clever title. For those of you who live under a rock, Lady Sings the Blues is a movie where Diana Ross portrays troubled Blues singer, Billie Holiday. Phenomenal movie. Get into it.

Former Vice President Sally Langston takes Mellie’s misfortune as an opportunity to tell her talk show audience how poor her approval rating is and how abandoning her job as the First Lady is an insult to the people of Virginia. Millie wants to go on Sally’s show and go toe-to-toe with her, but campaign manager Elizabeth advises against it because she’ll look defensive. Fitz asks Abby for her advise since she’s the next best thing to Olivia’s stellar problem solving.

Abby suggests that Mellie distance herself from Fitz politically, but even more important, they need to find out if running for Senate while married to a sitting president is illegal as Sally suggests. She learns from David that it’s indeed legal “because no one ever imagined that a woman would ever get an idea in her pretty little head to run for office.” In this case, Mellie should be thanking her lucky stars for misogyny. Abby reluctantly suggests that a man should go on Sally’s show to defend feminism because the audience will turn the channel if they see a woman defending it. She suggests Cyrus as the guinea pig. Cyrus is like, “hell naw” because he’s against Mellie’s run for Senate. Fitz gets in his face and demands that he get on board. Needless to say, Cyrus goes on the show to defend Mellie all the while faking the funk, which Sally picks up on right away. She accuses him of not truly supporting Mellie because he really feels he’s more deserving of that seat in the Senate. I can’t stand Sally’s hypocritical, Sarah Palin-like ass, but I think she’s right on this one.

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

Unfortunately, Cyrus’ appearance on Sally’s show makes things worse for Mellie. America still thinks a First Lady shouldn’t be allowed to run for Senate. On top of that Fitz’s approval rating has dropped further. Poor Mellie. She’s circling the drain fast. Elizabeth suggests telling America that Mellie and Fitz’s marriage is over to get rid of the conflict of interest. Everybody looks at her like, . . . the f*ck? Fitz brings in the heavy artillery, by calling Olivia. She pretends like she’s not going to help him, but she knows she can’t resist him even if it means helping her lover’s wife win an election. Their conversation is strained, but the ever-present passion and longing between those two is coming through the phone lines strong. Oh, how I wanted them to have a “one minute” moment. Yes, I’m #TeamFitz. What of it?

After learning that Daddy Pope is most likely behind Russell getting shot, Olivia offers up Daddy Pope’s phone number to the KGB Dude if he calls off his mission to turn Assassin Granny back into a killer. She tells him he’ll be a hero in Russia if he’s thee one and only person who was able to eliminate the world’s most powerful man. He bites. Worse decision of his life. Olivia discovers him in the trunk of her car with a bullet to the head after she fled from Assassin Granny’s house on account of finding her and the grand babies lying lifeless on the couch with matching bullet wounds. Dear Daddy Pope strikes again.

The whirlwind episode wraps up with another badass girl power moment when Olivia takes Russell back to her boudoir, straddles him, and tells him to close his eyes. Russell thinks he’s going to get some hot poon tang, but what he gets is the cold barrel of a Glock against his cranium. Olivia did that! It was reminiscent of the scene in Harlem Nights when Dominique La Rue (Jazmine Guy) straddled Quick (Eddie Murphy) and pulled a gun from under the pillow. Only she wasn’t badass like Livy. She squeezed the trigger, but nothing came out. Quick whipped out his gun and blew her away. No such fate for Olivia Pope. She handled hers like a BAWSE! Being the smart cookie that she is, she caught on to Russell when she realized he was the only person who could have told Daddy Pope about the Russians. He tried to play dumb, but Livy wasn’t having it. She put a kung-fu grip on his wounded arm (which made him cry out like a little bitch) and demanded him to tell her about Foxtail. I want to know too. Whatever it is, Daddy Pope is involved, so you know it won’t be a day at the beach.

What kind of death and destruction do you think Daddy Pope has up his sleeve this time? God help us all. . .

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